Guard: Halt! Who ghost there? King Arthur: It is I, Arthur, son of Uther Pendragon, from the castle of Camelot. King of the Britons, defeater of the Saxons, Sovereign of all England! Guard: Pull the other one! King Arthur: I am, and this is my trusty servant Patsy. We have ridden the length and breadth of the land in search of knights who will join me in my court at Camelot. I must speak with your lord and master. Guard: What? Ridden on a horse? King Arthur: Yes! Guard: You're using coconuts! King Arthur: What? Guard: You've got two empty halves of coconut and you're bangin' 'em together! King Arthur: So? We have ridden since the snows of winter covered this land, through the kingdom of Mercia, through... Guard: Where'd you get the coconuts? King Arthur: We found them. Guard: Found them? In Mercia?! The coconut's tropical! King Arthur: What do you mean? Guard: Well, this is a temperate zone. King Arthur: The swallow may fly south with the sun or the house martin or the plover may seek warmer climes in winter, yet these are not strangers to our land? Guard: Are you suggesting that coconuts migrate? King Arthur: Not at all. They could be carried. Guard: What? A swallow carrying a coconut? King Arthur: It could grip it by the husk! Guard: It's not a question of where he grips it! It's a simple question of weight ratios! A five ounce bird could not carry a one pound coconut. King Arthur: Well, it doesn't matter. Will you go and tell your master that Arthur from the Court of Camelot is here? Guard: Listen. In order to maintain air-speed velocity, a swallow needs to beat its wings forty-three times every second, right? King Arthur: Please! Guard: Am I right? King Arthur: I'm not interested! [A second guard approaches the parapet] Guard 2: It could be carried by an African swallow! Guard 1: Oh yeah. An African swallow, maybe -- but not a European swallow, that's my point. Guard 2: Oh yeah, I agree with that. King Arthur: [exasperated] Will you ask your master if he wants to join my court at Camelot?! Guard 1: But, of course, African swallows are non-migratory. Guard 2: Oh, yeah. [Arthur begins to depart] Guard 1: ...So they couldn't bring a coconut back anyway.